He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
