please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
