yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
