he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am one with the molecules
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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