My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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