I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They have beer where we have blood.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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