my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
