is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
