I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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