I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
