you guys were way drunker than both of me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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