There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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