I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
