My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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