When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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