I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she peed on how many people?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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