I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
