either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im part way to drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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