i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
