wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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