I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
