just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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