I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
