maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
