she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
