I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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