Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's always time for handjobs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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