Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
