You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
