I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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