Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
