Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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