I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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