So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
