i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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