You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
