I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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