dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
