she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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