bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
