:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
