My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
