i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
