I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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