There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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