if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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