You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
