FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
