The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
honey bunches of taint.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
