I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
