The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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