shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
