I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
