Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
