any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
