i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
