he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
