i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
