you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
