ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i came on her dog
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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