The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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