I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
