lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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