meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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